Living In The Present

Lately I've been thinking about missed opportunities. But not the kind that exist in the 3rd conditional (all of you that aren't grammar nerds just have to look that up :) ). Although there is an element of past regret to it, I'm talking about future missed opportunities. This was mainly brought on when I was thinking about how I'm probably not going to be able to live and work in New Zealand ever. This is because, just like Australia, New Zealand has an age limit on those who apply for work & holiday visas (one has to be 30 when they apply).  I'll (most likely) never get to go to New Zealand on a work & holiday visa, because I'm more than likely going to grad school in August. This is the first time where my age has dictated whether or not I was able to have a travel experience of any sort.

The funny thing is I would have never even thought about doing a work & holiday visa in New Zealand if weren't for the fact that I've been hearing people talk about it here in Australia. Nonetheless, it's been causing moments of subtle anxiety, which then causes me to have an inner dialogue which entertains the idea of deferring graduate school for a year so that I can fully complete my work & holiday year in Australia and start one in New Zealand (please don't tell my mom). I know going to grad school is for the best, but it's going to be difficult controlling my travel bug for a couple of years.

Overall, this is just an example of my being stuck thinking in the past and/or the future, and not in the present. There is a reason that that Lao Tzu quote is just below the title of my blog: I have a tendency towards over-analyzing and over-thinking things. I have very few regrets about my life up until now. However, the only time that I DO regret is the time that I spent in my hometown after I taught English in China and before I left to teach English in Chile. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that this period of time was essential in my self-development, and on a more pragmatic level, I wouldn't have been able to go to Chile if it hadn't been for the money I saved working in my hometown.

I'm not whining, and I apologize if that's what it does sound like. I will be the first to admit that I am privileged to have been able to live the life that I have, and I'm truly grateful for that.

Getting older is obviously just a fact of life, but the older we get, the more we find out that there are things we can no longer do. But damn, if it isn't a pain getting older sometimes!