Introvert Style Backpacking

As any of my closest friends could easily tell you, my most recent obsession is the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator. There is a good chance you took the Myers-Briggs test when you were in middle school or high school. If you’re a close friend of mine, there is a good chance that I’ve recently forced you to take the Myers-Briggs test.

One piece of information covered in Myers-Briggs is whether you’re more introverted or extraverted. From taking the test and reading about the differences between introverted and extraverted people, I’ve gleaned that I am most assuredly more on the introverted side of the spectrum. It was something I basically already knew because I often need time by myself to recharge.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more comfortable with spending inordinate amounts of time alone. I think this is both a good and bad thing. On one hand, I’m much more comfortable with myself and don’t necessarily need approval or fulfillment from others. On the other hand, I feel like I’ve become more withdrawn and I feel like I should be trying to have more social interactions. But, then again, this latter feeling could be the influence of a culture that makes people feel guilty for not always feeling social or outgoing.

Recently, I've been noticing a lot of articles on the topic of how technology is making us more lonely. I can't say I disagree entirely, but the fact is if I wasn't on my laptop reading or writing (or idling on Facebook), I would be reading a book or writing music. I know myself well enough when I need social time and when I need time alone. I just wish everyone else could somehow gauge that!

But, I digress.

It can be hard to tell right off the bat if someone is introverted or extraverted, but I would venture to say that at least 75% of the backpackers I meet at hostels, tours, and bars are probably extraverts. Simply put, most extraverts are going to be more comfortable taking risks and traveling to new places than most introverts.

This can be a problem for us lowly introverts. Sometimes, I just want to read or be alone. However, youth hostels are inherently social places.

But then again, it makes me feel like I’m coming off as standoffish, and I don’t want to give out that kind of vibe. I just want people to know that I need my space, and that we probably aren’t going to be “BFFs” immediately, because it takes me a while to warm up to people.

While staying at a hostel long-term, I've noticed how quickly people (again, probably the majority being extraverts) have warmed up to each other, and it amazes me. I've observed people becoming best friends or becoming a hostel couple in a matter of days. It blows my mind!

I remember a time in Korea when my friend, Kate, and I were in the back of a taxi, and she mentioned something regarding the fact that she was going to leave in August (while I would be staying for a second year in Korea), and I started crying. 

Kate exclaimed, "Oh my God, Josh! You're crying!" as she helped wipe away the tears.

I'm still not sure exactly what was so surprising to Kate concerning my emotional reaction, but I think it was because she didn't realize that I felt so strongly about our friendship. 

A day or two later, when we were recounting the exchange in the taxi, Kate said something like, "Getting to know you is like gradually peeling layers off of something, but every removed peel reveals something that keeps on getting better and better."

There are very few compliments I've received that are better than this one. Why? Because it shows that Kate knew that it takes some time for me to open up to people, and that my friendship was worth that time and patience.

So, to wrap this, I figure I should give some advice to fellow introvert travelers.

• As long as you are nice about implicitly setting your boundaries, people are not going to think you're rude or antisocial.
• As appealing as it might be to just tell people, "I'm an introvert, so I need a lot of time to myself", this is going to turn a lot of people off. They will think, "Is it OK to try engage this person now? How can I know?" Honestly, most people are pretty good at picking up context clues. If you're reading a book, most people are not going to try to come up to you to start a conversation. If they do, then they are obviously idiots and you wouldn't want to become friends with them anyway!
• You might have the desire to spend all day reading or writing, wandering the city by yourself, watching TV, surfing the internet, or knitting (seen it more than a few times in hostels!), but you can learn a lot about the world by just talking to someone for five or ten minutes. And that's better than any fucking episode of Friends. God, I hate that show.
• If you don't have any good friends after a week at the hostel, don't think there is anything wrong with you. You will make friends. As someone who has extensive experience traveling and staying in hostels, making friends is almost UNAVOIDABLE. Even when you don't necessarily want it. 
• Leaving your comfort area is 9 out of 10 times the best decision. Although I'm not always great about following this rule. Sometimes I just want to lay around the hostel reading and not go out to party, not go on a tour, etc. However, there is always time for relaxation, but you may never jump off of a 15 meter cliff into water in Boracay ever again. Or rock climb in Yangshuo, China. Or motorbike along the beach front road in Krabi, Thailand. You get the picture.